Are First Ladies Expected to Be Perfect?
Being the First Lady of the United States means more than just waving from balconies and wearing glamorous outfits. What most people don’t realize is that behind every polished appearance is an important role filled with a lot of public expectations and a long list of rules.
Believe it or not, no one hands the First Lady a manual when she steps into the White House. There’s no official job description and no paycheck, but her responsibilities are enormous. While the President runs the country, the First Lady is expected to morally support him and be a role model for the nation.
She is expected to advocate for worthy causes (but not too controversial), be fashionable (but not too flashy), and be smart (but never outshine the President)… It’s not that simple to be in one of the most underestimated positions in the world.
The truth is, being First Lady is more than a supportive role; it’s a strategic position that can highly influence the political sphere and conduct the country. So, read on and discover the secrets every First Lady knows, but rarely talks about.
20 Rules First Ladies Have to Follow
1. They can’t decorate the entire White House
Even though the first ladies can add personal touches to their family’s home, only some parts of the White House can be redecorated. Most parts of the White House are considered historical, belonging to the American people, not the presidential families. So, the first ladies have some strict rules they need to follow when it comes to redecorating.
Kate Andersen Brower, the author of First Women: The Grace and Power of America’s Modern First Ladies, shared more insights in an interview with ABC News, and that’s when it was made clear that most of the White House belongs to the people, and not the leaders who live there.
2. They need approval to make changes
If a first lady wants to make adjustments or redecorate a public space of the White House, like the Lincoln Bedroom, she needs to consult the Committee for the Preservation of the White House. Nothing can be done without their approval.
However, once they receive the permission, first ladies can choose the interior designer they want to work with. For example, the Trumps chose to work with Tham Kannalikham, while the Obamas opted for Michael S. Smith.
3. They must choose a theme for the White House Christmas tree
The tradition began in 1961, when Jacqueline Kennedy came up with the idea of decorating the White House by using a special theme. That year, she chose the Nutcracker as inspiration for the Christmas tree.
If we speak about recent history, Melania Trump opted for a theme called ”The Spirit of America” in 2019 and one called ”America the Beautiful” in 2020. Even though there is no competition between their design taste, there’s a tension between first ladies when it comes to choosing the most beautifully decorated tree.
4. They can’t accept gifts
Did you know that first ladies can’t accept gifts from foreign governments? All the received gifts are considered gifts to the United States, rather than to the family themselves. However, there are a few exceptions. If the gifts are not considered extremely valuable, they can be kept by the presidential family. But in case they are important, they are usually handled by the National Archives and Records Administration.
5. First ladies can accept domestic gifts
While it’s impossible to accept gifts from foreign governors, domestic gifts are permitted. For example, first ladies can receive a gift from anyone, and they are also allowed to keep it.
However, the Secret Service destroys everything that can pose a danger to the presidential family. Usually, the dangers consist of food and drink gifts, combustible items, and items that are applied to the skin. Basically, anything suspicious is always kept away from the first woman.
For the gifts they keep, an annual disclosure report is made, and the president and the first lady have to pay federal taxes for them.
6. They are the ones responsible for hosting state dinners
The state dinners are considered some of the grandest events at the White House. The White House Historical Association considers it one of the most important events, where the first ladies can showcase their talents.
Just think about it. When a first lady organizes a dinner, every detail should be taken into consideration. The way the table is decorated, the meals that are served, everything is a result of the first lady’s vision.
7. They must give a tour to the incoming first lady
Did you know that after an election, the former first lady has to give a tour to the incoming first lady? So, once the new president is elected, the outgoing president has to follow a special ritual. She needs to welcome the newly elected lady to the White House and present her with the place she’ll live for the following 5 years.
It’s believed that many of these meetings are very tense. It’s not easy to leave your ”home” behind, but it’s also a natural step in the life of every first lady. They need to accept that there comes a time when the White House will become a part of their past.
8. They also have to pay
It may sound funny, but the truth is that the first ladies also need to pay for their personal expenses. You probably thought that there was always someone to take care of their needs, well, in reality, just like everyone else, they need to take care of their needs. They pay for their food, clothing, and, of course, toiletries.
It’s known that the usher’s office prepares a monthly itemised bill of these items. Then, the bill is sent to the president and the first lady.
9. Their fashion choices matter
Do you remember the controversial jacket Melania Trump wore? Everyone pays attention to what the president and his first lady wear. For example, when Melania Trump wore the jacket with the message ”I really don’t care, do u?” she was extremely criticized for her choices.
But that’s just an example. Melania Trump is not the only first lady who was criticized for her choices. Michelle Obama also raised a wave of criticism when she wore shorts while getting off Air Force One.
Let’s say that it’s almost impossible to satisfy everyone. So, there’s always a lot of pressure on the first lady’s shoulders, especially regarding how they dresses and behaves in public.
10. They are allowed to have personal stylists
Most first ladies like to work with stylists, especially because they receive a lot of attention each time they step out of the White House. When they need to attend important events, they pay close attention to who they work with. For example, a popular consultant, Melania Trump, worked with Hervé Pierre, while Michelle Obama resonated more with Meredith Koop.
We should all admit that personal stylists are necessary, especially when the first ladies must attend important events. When all the world pays attention to the way you dress, you can’t risk receiving a huge way of criticism that can seriously affect your image and damage your reputation.
11. They are not allowed to drive
When a woman becomes first lady, she also becomes a target. And, whether she likes it or not, there are some strict rules she needs to follow. One of them is to have a personal driver. As an important political figure, exposure can be extremely dangerous. There is always someone following the presidential couple.
Driving by themselves is a risk they can’t afford. Even though it might seem great to live a luxurious life and be the first lady of the United States, it is not that easy to give up on the simple things in life, such as driving. Both Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama have said in interviews that they missed being able to drive by themselves.
12. They get protection for life
Did you know that first ladies receive protection for life from the Secret Service? The law protecting former U.S. presidents and first ladies was signed by Barack Obama in 2013. The law also authorized security teams for the children of former presidents until they are 16 years old.
When the president finishes the job, the presidential family returns to its normal life. The transition might not seem like a big deal, but sometimes leaving everything behind can feel overwhelming.
The law gives former presidents and first ladies not only physical comfort, but most importantly, it offers them mental comfort. Knowing that someone is protecting their lives and their family matters a lot.
13. They are allowed to decline Secret Service protection
While in office, the only ones who can decline Secret Service protection are the first ladies and the adult children of the president. But for the president, Secret Service protection is mandatory, no matter the circumstances.
The only situation that ends Secret Service protection is remarriage. There is a federal law that says ”protection of a spouse shall terminate in the event of remarriage.”
14. They have just 12 hours to move into the White House
On Inauguration Day, the first family must begin to move once the clock hits noon; in just 12 hours, officers from the General Services will move people out and in. Oh, and that’s not all! They’re also painting and recarpeting. This information was offered by Bradley Blakeman, former President George W. Bush’s deputy assistant.
While the public is enjoying all the celebrations for the newly elected president, there are a lot of things happening at the White House.
Living in the White House must feel like a dream come true for any American politician, but it also requires some strict procedures. It’s not like you just take your luggage and simply drive to the destination. So, with a lot of help, huge changes were made in just 12 hours. It’s like an era ends while another one begins. Interesting, right?
15. The first lady is supposed to live in the White House
The Trump Administration was the one that broke this tradition. Melania Trump and her son, Barron Trump, lived in New York City because Barron was attending school there. Melania Trump spoke multiple times about how much she values Barron’s education and how important it is for her to support her son and keep him away from the public eye.
Even though it’s almost impossible to protect him from the media, Melania Trump still does her best. Prioritizing his school was one of the biggest signs that a mother would do anything for her children.
16. They can’t spend money on extravagant renovations
You might think that first ladies are allowed to redecorate how they want, well, things don’t work like that. It’s believed that there is a budget that shouldn’t be ignored. Even though the money Congress allows the presidential family to spend on decor each year, it’s often scrutinized by the American people.
President Trump is known for being one of the presidents who spent the most on renovations. It has been reported that he spent nearly $2 million so far in renovations. The president bought a grand piano and multiple signature artworks.
17. The first ladies always meet after the election
The first ladies have some time for each other. Usually, the former first lady teaches the new one everything she knows. Or, at least, that’s what we like to believe.
These beautiful ladies are not politicians; they are just supporting their husbands. So, being nice to each other and putting the American people’s needs first is extremely important. Admit it or not, women can play a huge role in a lot of key moments. Their decisions can sometimes matter even more than the president’s.
18. They are not allowed to plagiarize speeches
The first ladies are not allowed to plagiarize speeches and always need to pay attention to their public appearances. Even though accidents happen, first ladies should always be inspired enough to deliver a sincere message, no matter the circumstances. There’s no American who wants to hear a copied speech from their political leaders.
When it happens to hear a similar speech, Americans usually punish their leaders with harsh comments and intense reactions, especially on social media platforms. For example, TikTok has become a powerful tool that can easily denigrate any public figure.
Anyone can post on the platform, and unfortunately, a lot of videos that should be restricted but aren’t. So, it’s incredibly easy to share misleading information or spread fake news. Any little mistake can lead to a huge wave of reactions.
19. Their first children typically attend private school
Considering their social status and the dangers that come with exposing their children, first families prefer to send their children to private schools. Where, let’s say, it’s easier to keep them under control. In private schools, there are mostly children from powerful families who need some extra protection.
So, the school personnel are more prepared to handle unexpected situations, such as conflicts or anything that can directly affect the children.
20. They have to tackle important initiatives
The first ladies need to come up with important initiatives that have transformative power. The first ladies are seen as role models, and they should be good examples for the American people who see them as their source of inspiration.
For example, Michelle Obama tackled an initiative called ”Let Girls Learn” and it was probably one of the most critical things to remember from the Obama White House.
The first lady grew up in a small and noisy apartment in Chicago, but even though her conditions weren’t great at all, she used to wake up at 4 a.m. and study in peace. Michelle Obama declared multiple times that her education was the key to everything she was able to achieve in life. So, when she launched ”Let Girls Learn” in 2015, she wanted to raise awareness about the fact that worldwide, there are about 98 million girls who are out of school.
Do you want to read more about first ladies? Here’s a great book that can be found on Amazon: First Women: The Grace and Power of America’s Modern First Ladies. It was written by Kate Andersen Brower, a bestselling author, and it offers a backstairs look at the White House. She said that the ”First Lady” position is one of the most underestimated in the world, because being a wife, a modern, and a leader is not as easy as it may seem. Check out the book’s reviews, and you’ll surely want to find out more about these women’s lives.
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